alexstream Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 Streamer's guide to becoming a real Coach Newb - getting to know the game: 1. You can lace your skates on your own 2. You can watch a hockey game and locate the puck on the ice 3. You can tell which team has to score in which goal 4. You know some teams in NHL 5. You know some players in NHL Getting Serious about the players: 6A. You know all the players in NHL 7A. You can recognise a player's name only by looking at his face (particularly those who were playing when you had your Pro Set deck) Getting serious about the game: 6B. You're starting to use hockey expressions in day to day life. "dude you were in her crease... oh, don't tell me you fired it wide?" 7B. You can see the missed plays, the missed calls and can try to find explanations for them. --- If you master everything up to that point, congratulations!!! you are a RDS (CBC) staff commentator!! --- Getting VERY serious about the players: 8A. You know most of players' stats, size, handedness, where they come from, when they were drafted, when/where they were traded (don't have to know their favorite colour or their favorite food, that's for chicks) 9A. You constantly find errors when RDS/CBC/CKAC/CJAD guys talk about players/trades, about style of players, players strenght, etc. e.g. The guy on Radio will say Huet relies on his speed/reflexes and Abby relies on his positionning (other way around please!) e.g. They will say Havlat was traded for Corvo (it was for preissing and stuff) 10A. You've never seen the guy play in your life, but just hearing his name, you can speak about him for 10 minutes and tell how he could help or not your favorite team (you've done your scouting you know). Getting VERY serious about the game: 8B. You yell at the ref, you yell at the GM everytime and instantly when there is a bad call 9B. You are 10 to 15 seconds ahead of the commentator 10B. You quit your boring office job and start a new job which is less of a time leech so that you can get more involved in Hockey(you can also start wearing a f-ugly jacket à la Michel Therrien, but crime doesn't always pay) Becoming a coach, the last crusade: 11. You register to Habsworld.Net (we all know that 90% of NHL staffs stem from the Habs organisation, we must start somewhere! we must start here!) 12. Post over 4450 times on the boards (getting noticed), if you write the occasional article, it's even better... B.G. might fall on it whenever he's bored... 13. Pretend you know everything. Don't argue so much as to get out of nowhere and write a post as if it was the obvious truth... You can support it with things you've found on google from time to time... But if you really look convincing, you don't need sources, you become the source. (getting credible) 14. Writing posts about how to (x y z) in hockey --- that's where I'm at --- 15. Frequently call "les amateurs de sports" or any other hockey hot line. 16. Getting close to and trying to have a beer with ex superstars: Mario Roberge, Alain Nasredine, André Racicot 17. Stalking/shadowing Jean Perron, buy and wear the fake leather jacket. NEVER TALK TO HIM... Just observe the ways of a great man. 18. Learn to skate backward in a nylon training suit, with the whistle in your mouth, while yelling "shoot", "stop and go", "backup backup", "good job" and "#$#@?%?&? REF!! #$@#$?". Learn to chew and spit like a pro. 19. Try to find ways around every question / try to give the most meaningless answers possible. 20. Change your middle name for "the coach" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sakiqc Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 HAHA, hilarious read, and how so true! Sadfully, most of our commentators have stop at #6B Keep it up Alex, maybe you'll become the next NHL coach to come out of HW after Denis Savard ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pierre the Great Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I'm up to 7A sort skip 6A I don't know all of the players but I have a vague idea of the stars of the game. I'm losing it though sadly because stupid NHL doesn't have a decent tv contract so I only watch maybe 2 or 3 regular season games a year and maybe 20 Habs games on the radio and 5 to 10 Canucks games on the radio as well. Hate watching the local teams coverage of hockey FSN is soo boring. But when playoffs come around I'm glued to the tv set. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Psycing Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 Streamer's guide to becoming a real Coach 10B. You quit your boring office job and start a new job which is less of a time leech so that you can get more involved in Hockey(you can also start wearing a f-ugly jacket à la Michel Therrien, but crime doesn't always pay) --- that's where I'm at --- Hahaha, 10B (highlighted) cracked me up. Hopefully I'm right behind you mahn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLP Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 What brand of chewing gum do you recommend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBigRedC Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 I'm level 10 6B. You're starting to use hockey expressions in day to day life. "dude you were in her crease... oh, don't tell me you fired it wide?" ROFLCOPTER! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAK Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 20. Change your middle name for "the coach" from now on, I'll be known as Marky the coach komi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KoZed Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 16. Getting close to and trying to have a beer with ex superstars: Mario Roberge, Alain Nasredine, André Racicot Find the error!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAK Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 Find the error!? they were superstars in their highschool team...weren't they ??!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BTH Posted November 28, 2006 Share Posted November 28, 2006 9A. You constantly find errors when RDS/CBC/CKAC/CJAD guys talk about players/trades, about style of players, players strenght, etc. e.g. The guy on Radio will say Huet relies on his speed/reflexes and Abby relies on his positionning (other way around please!) e.g. They will say Havlat was traded for Corvo (it was for preissing and stuff) LMAO... We must have been listening to the radio at the same time. I remember, a few weeks ago, some stupid analyst (I actually think it might have been Michael Farber) saying that Huet relied on his reflexes and Aebischer, more on his positioning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortcat1 Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I can lace my skates. I keep them a shiny white and I keep cleaning out those jiggy things in the front... ...Puck? GO :hlogo: GO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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